A TiMe To PoNder

It's been a LONG time

2005-03-13T01:51:52Z

You know I always seem to write an entry every like year haha. Anyways it would take me about a million years to catch everyone up on what is going on in my life right now. But I just wanted to write. So I am going to write.... I have been thinking a lot about where I am in my life and it just hit me how strange it is that I am graduating in 3 months. What the heck?! I feel like i just started high school giggling with julie and chelsea about the fact that we were freshman and "so much older" haha. I never would have thought in a million years that I would end up not graduating with them. It feels like my days at Kingswood were soooooo long ago and it makes me sad to think that I barely talk to anyone from there anymore. It's not intentional of course its just how life plays its course... but nevertheless the times I had with everyone will always be remembered and treasure :)...It's also really weird to see how much I have changed in the course of just 2 years...for example, it is weird to think that in 6th grade all the way up til my sophmore year of highschool college was the only logical thing for me to do once i graduated. actually there was no other choice in my mind... and now I am thinking about taking a year off and doing a leadership program. Not that, that is bad, but it is strange how you can be so sure of something and then it changes in such a short time. haha i know you all know this but haha its just been really profound for me at the moment. Anyways, despite the constant changing it is extremely exciting to know that life is really happening and that we have a brand new opportunity every morning to do something new. So i guess all i am saying is that I am sad and excited for life to happen. haha ok im done...love yall

Good morning :)

2004-03-20T13:50:32Z

Good morning everyone! :)...I am sooo happy the play is almost done...one more show today and then its over!!! Thank God!!!! doing 6 shows is completely CRAZY!!!...anyways, I found out bout my job :) ....the day i turned in the application, and got interview they started training and paying me :). so yeah i have a job....I am INSANE though !! For my first job i have to overcome all my OCD complusions haha because im a receptionist haha...i have to multitask...clean, make sure food and coffee are out, answer phone lines, deal with customers, do the book for products, and deal with money...all at once...not to mention that the cabinets in front of me don't close properly, and i can't write neat in the schedule haha..im gunna go insane...but eh they are starting me at 8.50 -9 bucks and hour...i think i can manage!!!! :) one step closer to Africa...i will just keep telling myself that. :)...Steve comes home today from Hollywood :):)...or it might be tomorrow...oh man, its bad haha i am not even dating him and i live 800 miles away and this whole week i have been so restless not being able to talk with him....oh dear....but i am soo glad he went...i can't wait to hear the stories he has....(by the way he went on a missions trip to Hollywood....he was helping bums, prostitutes and drug addicts)...anyways i am sure it was a real growing experiance and will give us much to talk about this week :)....well i must be off i have a hair appointment soon and i have homework to do.... :) alright much love talk to ya later guys!!!

a smile a day keeps my life ok ...haha im a dork!

2004-03-15T23:15:11Z

Hey everyone...i kno its been a while since i last updated but thats just cause its been hectic in the world of claire...but nevertheless I am back this is whats been going on with me... Well, guys be proud! I am almost sure I have a job!! wahoo!! finally!! If I get the job I am going to be a receptionist for a hair place. So for prom...you know who ta call ;)...it starts at $8.50 an hour not bad for my first job don't ya think!!:)...West side story has been going well, its been CRAZY!!! but a lot of fun!! we had 4 shows in the past 3 days and 2 more to go this weekend...so hopefully we will still have the energy! :):)...ummm lets see what else Steve and I are getting really close, our friendship is in Gods hands and I found out that if it is God's will we will be able to meet up in Dakar, Senegal this summer...oh yeah haha i didn't tell you guys that I am going there oops lol...im going on another mission trip...but more medical missions this time :):) i can't believe that im going to africa!! yayayayayayay!!!! Well ok guys i must be off...got a lot of HW to do tonight ...much love!!! ~ me

This is crazy...but

2004-03-02T03:47:20Z

umm all I have to say is that I think I meet the man I'm going to marry in all seriousness...and all I can do is smile and just leave it in God's hands because that is how it all started...lol

wow...scarry but AMAZING!!

a PeAce ThAt DoEsn'T cOmE eAsy...

2004-02-25T00:11:53Z

Today was a long & tiresome day because being the smart one I am I went to bed at 1:15 in the morning. Yeah, well, it seemed like a good idea last night....lol but nevertheless it was a fairly decent day. Although I'm STILL struggling with the whole steve (the tour guide) thing. lol yeah i promise I'm really not obsessing, its just...it got weirder... Around 1 am this morning I was bored so I figured heck I'll write him an e-mail when at the exact moment he randomly IMed me. So, naturally we had a conversation (it was brief but still a convo) long story short we said the exact same things at the exact same time. I'm not exaggerating one bit either...I sware!! and I'm not the only one who thinks this is kinda strange because he sent me another e-mail telling me that God has a hand in this...and He definitely does!! whether it be just to have a good friend, or to do something cool in senegal together, or to help me with my college search, or maybe other stuff in the future...God only knows...but i had a really good talk with one of my teachers and she helped me focus myself and look at it realisticly...she said that this is exciting and not to be blind about the possibilities but also to just leave it in God's hands...and that is exactly what I'm going to do!! ... Tyna ( my best friend at Master's) was cracking up because the same thing happened to her and her boyfriend (who will become her fiancee this summer - almost 100% guaranteed!!). yeah just a little scarry...but hey i guess if they know they are the ones for each other then Eh who cares!! So now she is giving me "the look" and its FREAKING me out!! lol but at the same time amusing!! although i am definitely not saying steve and i will be like her and her boyfriend, not at all!! lol its just funny how different people have different reactions to the who thing. Like i have some friends that tell me Im just being paranoid, others tell me that I'm crazy and he is a stocker lol, and then I have others telling me that they think their is something greater, and then others telling me to just let it flow....and i decided to let it flow!!! Other than that school has been school. I am doing A LOT better than i have been and the band is doing really well as well. :) so life is good and exciting!!! well im gunna go do hw!! love you guys!!

-ME

guys can bit me ....lol :) i mean that in a loving way

2004-02-24T03:15:06Z

so why is it that when i swore off guys they find me and tempt me?...ugh i don't want to deal with guys lol...especially when it involves me getting all giddy and emotional lol...yeah you are probably wondering who is he?!?!?! yeah, nobody knos him, including myself lol...i kno, i kno i'm retarded...lol, but let me explain...have you ever meet someone for bout an hour and became so intrigued you couldn't stop thinking about them?? well yeah that is what happened to me...sigh...and its not like anything will happen lol...not just because i wouldn't let it but also because he lives hundreds of miles away, is three years older than me, and probably has a girlfriend lol, not to mention he probably wouldn't be interested in me lol....guys annoy me...i mean when i need to focus on school they go and distract me making my mind wander far, far away making me procrastinate more and more...UGH ....blah!...POOP!!...well now that im done being 5 years old...i really need to pray bout all this lol...so im gunna go!! but much love!! -me

college ...the search begins....Dun Dun Duh...

2004-02-23T02:14:00Z

College Search!!

So guess wat i did this vacation?...i visited colleges for the past four days in michigan!! wahoo! It was so amazing..i am in love!! not in love with a guy lol but the colleges (haha i know that is sad)...but lol... I went to both Hope and Calvin college and I can't tell you guys how awesome the trip was!! The schools fit me so well i can't even begin to discribe how excited i am...all i need to do now is get in...that means work my butt off!! but as the saying goes...if there is a will there is a way!!

it was so funny ...when i was at hope college my tour guide (a guy named steve), just happens to be going to dakar, senegal the same time i will be!!! how insane is that?!?!...it was such a divine appointment its crazy...so we got each other's emails so we can keep in touch and share our experiances and even maybe meet up with one another in Africa ...how sick would that be!!!...not only that but it is a bonus because i hopefully will have a person who will be able to tell me more bout the college!! and a new friend hehe :) YAY! .. and then when i went to Calvin i had one of the best praise and worship times ever!! the band that played was sick and people where dancing and just being crazy ...i fit right in!! yay!!! ....soo bascially i have had a very positive experiance both a Hope and Calvin!!!

Calvin = people are sweet and kind but give you space (which is good ...i need my space lol), amazing music programs, diverse crowd, larger school, lots of sprititual groups, amazing outreach trips, tons of community service opportunities, year/semis abroad trips, beautiful cozy campus, INSANELY large dorms, all teachers PHD (or mostly) and only teachers teach classes, of course...cute boys as well lol (yeah i have to be a girl lol), many things to do, great nursing department, location is great (5 min walk to a gazillion restaurants/stores/mall)

Hope= people were beyond amazingly kind and crazy fun, gospel choir that kicks butt, good food, cozy campus, beautiful chapel!!, all teachers PHD (or mostly) and only teachers teach classes, year/semis abroad trips( i could go to dakar senegal!!!! and i could learn WOLOF!!!), many many outreach programs, great nursing department, bible studies, awesome traditions (the 3 hour tug of war!!! "the pull"), and nice location (right near a beach ...score!!)

When your not sure how to say it ...copy others lol :)

2004-02-23T01:32:32Z

I found this in someone's journal and liked it so i decided to put it in my journal...i would properly quote it but i dono the person's name so just know these aren't my words but nevertheless they are wise words :) ...

God Said... If you never felt pain, then how would you know that I'm a healer? If you never went through difficulties, how would you know that I'm a deliverer? If you never had a trial, how could you call yourself an overcomer? If you never felt sadness, how would you know that I'm a comforter? If you never made a mistake, how would you know I'm forgiving? If you knew all, how would you know that I will answer your questions? If you never were in trouble, how would you know that I will come to your rescue? If you were never broken, then how would you know that I can make you whole? If you never had a problem, how would you know that I can solve them? If you never had any suffering, then how would you know what Jesus went through? If you never went through the fire, then how would you become pure? If I gave you all things, how would you appreciate them? If I never corrected you, how would you know that I love you? If you had all power, then how would you learn to depend on me? If your life was perfect, then what would you need me for?

It's so true.... :) Have a blest night! -me

WhAt iS YoUr PuRpoSe?!?

2004-02-18T00:53:17Z

why are YOU here? what is YOUR purpose?

It is amazing how so many people devote their entire lives to finding out our purpose... scientist, religious leaders, medical doctors, philosophers,and so on... yet you don't need to be a genious in order to find out the answers to these questions or spend an insane amount of money or time in figuring everything out...I know that everyone is capiable of understanding the big picture it's just your choice whether or not you want to figure it out.

I want to challenge every person who comes across this entry to stop and really ask themselves why is it that as humans we have this unbelievable desire to feel loved and wanted? why is it that no matter how much we try and satisfy ourselves with possesions, sex, drugs, alcohol, friendships, and everything else this world offers we still have moments where we feel lonely or times where we doubt that we have a purpose...

Why do we have faith? whether it is faith in science or faith in God or faith in the human race....why do we have emotions and feelings that lead us to feel we have a greater purpose?

I may be alone my entire life but i will never be lonely because i understand the bigger picture, i understand my purpose and my emotions...i challenge you to find yours...so just ponder :)

<3 you guys!!
-me

You are Ephesians.

Which book of the Bible are you?
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to much to say ...so im just gunna talk bout nothing in particular

2004-02-09T03:00:46Z

so i was thinking ... i really have soo much on my mind that i end up not knowing exactly how to say it ...so i guess you guys are gunna have to deal with only blabing...:)

yesterday i saw julie...it was nice to catch up :) ... oh my man i think it is going to take me weeks of working off the lbs i put eating at friendlys on just eating everything in like 5 secs... hey you only live once :) well kinda...but yeah it was really really nice to catch up with juls...i missed her...actually i miss everyone at ko...i miss not being jodi's best audiance lol...and our very insitefull conversations about grass (haha ...i don't mean weed i really mean actual grass) and sunrises and getting "soned"...and complaining about how much work i have to do ...well maybe not that but complaining together about how much work we have to do ...aww those were the days....but i kno even if im not there i will always have those great memories :)and that i will always love my KO ppl

Not saying master's isn't a great school its just i haven't had the time to invest in the people there as much as K-0
haha this is kinda funny...master's is having a "drug bust" at the moment haha yes the "good christian school" ...i think they are nuts they are trying to find everyone who smokes pot and other stuff and get them help ...i mean wanting to help is nice and nobal...but give me a break to find everyone who smokes pot haha...i must say adults can be very very naive at times...but i still find it kind of amusing

anywho...guess wat? im in a band its actually really fun!! im a lil intimidated though cause everyone in the band is sick and im soo not up to their level...but hopefully wit A LOT of work i can maybe catch up to them...my friend Matt is the drummer...no not benzi a different matt who goes to my new school...yeah i kno kinda weird...then bobby is the lead guitar player who also goes to my school... then greg is the bass player who is a friend of matt...and im the singer/sometimes play guitar...its exciting...you kno its good because its keeping me outa trouble...haha cuz im SUCH a rebel and all ha... our band name is a process i must say...at first it was called "nickles and dimes" because matt was putting change away and we needed a band name so he was like nikles and dimes anyone? and being young and naive we said sure y not but then we grew up and became wiser and realized how RETARDED that name was...soo then it became "this velocity" for a "filler" until we found the band name....so time went by and now we are "another day's grace" ...and so far that is all we got lol...hmm i promise we really aren't this bad when we create music...at least i don't think so....hahaha

well i need to stop procrastinating and actually go and do some work so thanks for reading my blabing!!...but much love to all you ppl!!!God bless!!

love always-
ME

Its been over a year even maybe two since i last wrote...

2004-02-03T03:12:43Z

Hmmm... so much has happened since the last time I wrote...many ups and many downs...but in general great learning experiences...Im not gunna even try to update everyone on what has happened in the past God only knows how many months...but i guess i will bullet some key events...

1) Had a break down, ended up in the hospital
2) Went on a missions trip to Ecuador!! AMAZING might I add
3) Decided to change schools
4) Meet a very sweet boy named kyle...dated him for a few months
5) Bombed the past two quarters...But I am gunna do a LOT better for the rest of the year!! Promise!!
6) Had many realizations about who I am and what I might want to be :)...nurse/missionary are the two biggies right now
7)IM IN A BAND!!! WAAWHOOO!!! :):)

and i think for now that is a good sum up ...alright since i updated everyone VERY briefly i think i am gunna head out ...and just start a fresh new entry about life as it is now soon :)!! much love!!! God bless!!

I figured out some things ....

2002-11-07T23:00:58Z

You would not believe what has happened to me in the past 3 days lol i had many insights lol...i realized A LOT of stuff about myself and about other people. First of all i don't give people enough credit just when you think humainity suks..someone comes out and lets you know that they really do care...so MAJOR thanks to juls (i love you thanks hun),oliver,chris,lindsay,and believe it or not even dave...i was definately at the lowest of my low last weekend and im still kinda hanging in there but i realized im not angry with God, im just really hurt and really scared. I probably talked about this before..but last year i ditched everyone for dave (my x) i lost a lot of my close friends and when i went back to school i didn't kno anybody in my grade anymore. It was really hard for me..i felt really out of place and really REALLY bad for ditching everyone...then the school year went on and it seemed to be ok i meet new ppl and had a couple of my close friends still there for me... but it was just friendship at school i didn't do anything outside of school with them...i either didn't hav time or i didn't really feel like it (and i didn't kno y) ...then my honorary big brother Oliver left for college and that has been REALLY hard on me...you never kno how much someone means to you until they go away..and i just miss him he helped me through so much i dono where to begin with him and now not having him here has been so hard ..he can't just come over and stay til 12 to give me a huge hug when i cry and listen to me vent sighlol...then 2 of my closest friends ever, chris and chelsea live an hour away and its really hard for us to see each other... i miss them more than anything Chris has been there through so much with me many tears, many laughs and its really hard only seeing him like 3 times a year and Chelsea 2 i miss silver lake lol ...then i think what put the cherry on top was that dave didn't make the effort to talk to me anymore..about 3 weeks ago i got fed up with him because i kept IMing him and making the first move in the conversation so i decided i was just gunna wait til he made the effort to talk to me so i stoped trying to be his friend...and guess what he didn't make the effort...and that hurt more than words can describe..because not only was he my first true love and meant soo much to me and he still means a lot to me (friend)...but i also realized i ditched my friends like he ditched me...and also i felt as if i wasted a year on a relationship that could have been a friendship and then i could have kept all my friendships with my other friends...but instead i went out wit someone fell in love (which is AMAZING)but it didnt work out ..then we didn't talk anymore and i lost most of my friends...and thinking bout it i am COMPLETELY crushed...it hurts so much to be hurt and to hurt others...so much that i cut myself off from everyone because i am PETRIFIED of getting hurt again or of hurting others that i just can't open up myself to anyone anymore. I even closed myself off to God for a while...and to me that is beyond wow ..because my faith is what everything in my life is based on...and to be so scared that God would even hurt me ..even though i kno he wouldn't...i pulled away...now that i realized all of this ..i have cried a WHOLE lot and listened to alot of music but i have also realized some stuff about my faith...and the reason y i wasn't feeling God was because i have given God my life but i haven't COMPLETELY let him hold me ...and because of that i am now starting from scratch and really going to be sincere and completely ready when i reaccept Christ in my life...i am starting to pray again and this time i am coming into the relationship as a baby and just listening and watching so i can learn how to be how He wants me to be...its hard and its going to take time but i have realized that He does care for me and through the friends that have showed they cared he wants me to be happy...It is going to be a LONG recovery because i have to regain my confidence and let him mend my heart which isn't ready to mend yet because im not done mornin lol...but i will adventually be able to love and smile no stop...so just bare with me guys! im sry if i am depressing all of you...writing and playing music and praying are the ways i get my feelings out... well i hope God will bless you all!!! MWAH! HUGS

i am so hurt...

2002-11-04T14:16:47Z

I hav made one of the WORST choices of my life...im so angry at God i told him to get out of my life and i want him to come back but i can't ask him back into my heart at the moment...I'm to cold at the moment for anyone. I don't know who i am anymore and it seems as if God could careless. I kno im being selfish but i can't help it, its been a good 5 months that i have felt like crap, it might not have seemed like it because i am REALLY good at maskin my feelings and always putting something positive to say but the truth is i am feeling like crap....and i hav tried and tried to get close to him and when it gets harder i try even harder to pray more and stuff...but im so sick of trying to work for His love...y can't he just love me the way i am and help me when i need it...i understand we need to go through struggles but i have been struggling for 5 months and im sick of it, i mean i have fun when i see my friends but its almost as if im trying to hard to hide something to hide me...but see the funny thing is i don't kno who me is... whatever ... hey can you guys do me a favor and pray for me...thanx

What do you think....

2002-10-23T01:07:19Z

Ok so i have an idea...what do you think if i were to write a letter, and inspiring letter, and send it to a random person i don't kno without a return address, just because... Do you think that would make your day or just creep you out?....cause i think i want to do that, just to make someone smile. Is it a good idea? :)

Raining, cleansing, and a lil confusion....

2002-10-12T17:32:07Z

What do you do when you don't know whats wrong?....

I look at life in a different way, a more appreciative way, and i listen and observe a lot more than talk but at the same time there is something seriously botherin me and i cant figure out what...hmm...
for the past 2 weeks i haven't been able to sleep well at all... last night i went to bed around 10 because i was tired and woke up at 3 then i couldn't sleep so i read a book, and i never read...
Its very bizarre i don't really talk to to many ppl now a days...probably my fault but im not in the mood, don't get me wrong i luv all my friends but the fact is that im not close to them anymore..i mean we have nice conversations during the day and stuff but that is bout it... I don't really talk to church friends either, i miss them ...the only 2 ppl i talk to now a days are chris and oliver, (oliver only once in a while)....sigh its soo weird how one year you can have your life be sooo comfortable then the next so out of place...
The only thing that brings me some comfort is that i kno i will always hav God as my guide and i can go to Him for anything, he is my saving grace and without him i think i would be in real big trouble, actually i don't hink i kno i would be...
I have had more time to think and in thinking i am seeing some things about myself im not proud of...things i have thought, things i have done, things i wish could have been, things i miss a lot, people i miss a lot... and it hurts a whole lot..i wish i could talk to someone about it but its hard to explain and at the same time no one needs to hear me complain i have a wonderful life and im blessed i just think i am going through an identy thing...i dono i just feel out of place and lonely is the word i am thinking of...

Sry that today my entry was so depressing...just kno im ok..and that God is good and I will be ok :) I just need a hug lol...well i luv all of ya mucho and i pray that God will bless all of you as he has for me.

ttyl <3 me

Questions about life.... hmmm

2002-10-08T23:09:12Z

I kno i haven't updated in bout 500 years sooooo i am gunna write tonight :)...
I'm doing wonderful, and I am at peace with a lot of things that have happened this past summer and beginning of school. I can't complain about how life is going because like my teacher says,"life is a choice, you have the choice to be happy, the choice to be mad, the choice to be sad, the choice to be frustrated (to a certain extent), and it is up to you to decide how you spend your days." He is a very wise man! So i am taking his words of wisdom and smiling a lot more these days :).

I have decided that i am not going to date these days... unless the person fits the discriptions of 1 corinthians 13:4-8... i have also let God take care of my pain with my x-boyfriend...it can still be hard at times but it is going through phases and i know it is the healing process...its been about 4 months now and im ok, God is good and i know the "us" wasn't apart of his plan anymore. So my heart is mending slowly but surely :)

School is doing well...i am not getting the strait As as i want to but in due time i think they will come...other than that school is good...i don really talk to many ppl theses days i hav a lot of work and not enough time but i still luv em all even if we aren't that close anymore.

Soccer is going well, our team is gettin better and so far we have only lost one game out of 5 games, tied 2 and won 3 so its going pretty well. :)

Well now that im all updated i gotta run and get my homework done ...ewwy lol ...so i luv ya all and God bless !!!

<3 me

Just because

2002-09-22T18:27:39Z

"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright. I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more. I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive. I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger. I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. I wish enough "Hello's" to get you through to the final "Good-bye"."
-anonymous

~God bless you all!! with much <3 me :)

Its Raining...

2002-09-02T15:00:50Z

Sigh... where to begin...Why is it that everyone has all of there problems at once? I don't know how to help anymore.I stayed up until 4:30 this morning trying to help my friends and i dono what to do anymore. It is making me sad.

I feel like i am so lost. I am doing devotionals everyday or well i was ( i think i am starting to slip) and i am praying a lot, yet, i still kind of feel lonely...I'm getting so confused!! I kno he is there for me and always will be, but why do i feel lonely? I shouldn't be complaining i have so many blessings that i shouldn't ask for more...but sigh i dono... i can't talk to anyone bout this because i can't get in contact with shawn and i can't talk to dave about it because i still feel a lil weird around him because he is my x.

GOD PLEASE HEAR MY PRAYER AND BE WITH ME!! I NEED TO STAY STRONG AND I AM SLIPPING, PROTECT ME LORD. I PRAY FOR MY FRIENDS LORD THEY ARE SO LOST!!

____________________________________

Here is a new song i am working on tell me what you think...

(no title yet)

Lost
Confused
Ashamed
Used

Helpless
Hopeless
Broken in two

(chorus)
I'm porcelain
I am breaking into pieces of nothing
I'm a sceptic and i don't know what to believe
I'm walking on these embers that are burning inside of me
I don't know why He'd die for me...

They say that the strom will end someday
that He'd calm my waves
and carry me

They say that no matter what I've done
that He gave his only son
to die for me

(chorus)
I'm procelain
I am breaking into pieces of nothing
I'm a sceptic and I don't know what to believe
I am walking on these embers that are burning inside of me
And i don't know why He'd die for me...

(Claire)
(that is all i have so far...)

LONG TIME NO TALK!!!!

2002-09-01T03:31:51Z

Hey everyone! i kno i haven't written in forever but i was away. And now that school is starting (ewah) i am home. How is everyone? i hope everyone is well. I am doing great for the most part. I am a little anxious bout school just because you kno its a new year harder classes, harder teachers, new ppl yada yada...but what else is new...Hmm lets see. Well i have a lot to catch up on so i will just give a brief over view...well the trip with my friends and my x went well. It was fun but weird at first because i still had feelings for him and we were and still are learning how to be friends and let me tell you it is HARD!! but we got through it and lemmi tell ya i think he is shocked how strong i have become ...power of prayer always works!! :) I also dyed my hair so now its auburn instead of light brown ...i like it :) ppl tell me it makes me look even older. haha oh well. Hmmmm i am kinda taking the days as they go and i am getting closer to a few friends and i am getting closer to God which i am really happy about because he is my shelter and has been so good to me and is protecting me! Well i kno i didn't really say all that much but i am sleepy so im gunna hit the hay!

clairebairy @ 2002-08-02T11:37:00

2002-08-02T15:42:19Z

This is the day that Lord has made let us rejoice and be glad in it :)!
_____________________________

Good morning everyone! I am in a good mood today.Chelsea is here!! YAY!!! We are having such a blast!! i missed her sooo much i hate how all my closest friends live like so far away from me its stinkypoo!!! neways im excitted because a lot of my friends are coming to my gospel concert!!! yay!! It is gunna be so cool!! Alright well im gunna jet because i got a lot to do today!! ttyl byebye!

Grrrr

2002-08-01T00:30:46Z

Y can't you just leave me alone sometimes?...i am not a bad kid, i don't drink, i don't smoke, i don't do drugs, i don't hav sex, i get good grades, i am happy most of the time, and i am not crabby towards you all the time. Y is it that I hav to tell you EVERYTHING about myself? Y is it that you ALWAYS hav to kno EVERYTHING about me, even when i don't feel like telling you. Y can't you hear me the first 5 times i tell you that i am ok, when i have a problem i always come and tell you about it...i kno you need to kno if im ok because your my parents but still..when i say im ok im not lieing I SWARE I AM OK!!!!!!!! PLEASE PLEASE DON'T ASK ME OVER AND OVER AGAIN!!!..ugh..the joys of being a teenager ..you wont understand me and i wont understand you because your not my age and im not a parent...but can you please just listen to me?!?!?! sigh im just frustrated ...sry everyone i needed to vent...ttyl byebye

You gotta read!!!

2002-07-31T14:03:14Z

Read Romans 12 it is such a good bible verse to live by!!!!!!! :)

GOOD MORNING :)

2002-07-31T13:40:25Z

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not eaily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

(I love that passage. :))
_________________________________________

GOOOOOD MORNING EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its a beautiful sunny day today and i am in a really good mood. :)
I'm so excitted!! For the first time in like forever i get to see Tyra and Chris!! Its gunna be like the good old days at camp. :) Haha, these past few days have been all about the good ol' days. It is really nice to know that even though im a "big bad teenager" according to my bro' in law,haha, I can still be stupid and goofy. :)We are gunna have so much fun!YAY! lol

Oh my man...In two days Dave is coming home from his mission trip!!! AHHHH i dono what to do...its been a month since we broke up but im scared im going to fall for him all over again. I kno i had to break up with him, but :( ewwwww. I was hoping to be over him..AHHH GOD HELP ME!!!PLEASE?!?!LOL...Hey does anyone hav any good ideas on how to get over a guy quickly?!?! Cause in a week i am going on vaca with him thank God that some of my other friends are coming too!! but it still will be weird if i still love him and i will see him for a week every single day...:/ (deep breath) God is good!! I gotta keep reminding myself that!! He will make everything ok. :)

Well i should get off my butt and start getting ready to go out! God bless!

Wishing i was 5 again

2002-07-30T18:00:09Z

When you steped out of the car i could do nothing but smile.
I wanted to cry but i couldn't, i wanted to laugh but i couldn't, i wanted to be little again but i couldn't. Sitting on the monkey bars at our old school talking about our childhood memories was surreal!! I wish we could play dress up and get into mischeif again, sigh lol, that was the life, ;). We were so young! Its amazing how everything can change with time, we look so old!! haha. Your a beautiful young woman now and i am sooo glad you came to visit!! I now appreciate my childhood all the more anf I can truely say i have never had a friend quite like you. I love you more than words can say and im proud to say that we will always be the same two little girls that we once knew so well deep down inside.:)BFF!!!

God Bless America

2002-07-29T21:24:33Z

So i open up my e-mail and guess what i found? A picture of the twin towers...i still can't believe it happened, how can people be so sick? It makes me so sad...

"Walking with the Devil”

I listen, yet I can’t hear. I see, yet I am blind. I wake up and feel nothing. Sitting, I gaze through the fire, orange and red, there I see the devil’s face laughing with a devious grin. Bigger and bigger his smile gets as he engulfs the blue horizon. Poisoning the sky with debris and smoke he just laughs and rejoices, and I, well, I just sit and stare waiting for some emotion -any emotion- to take me over, anything to make me feel human, but nothing comes. Shock I guess you could call it, but I really wouldn’t know. I search for words, but there are no words, or feelings, just blankness. In my mind I hear things that aren’t possible, war, planes, bombs, deaths, hate, deaths, anger, war. What do these words mean? Nothing. They’re words. A bunch of letters formed to make a symbol. We don’t need words to know the feeling of hate, the feeling of despair, the feeling of confusion. Since the beginning of mankind there has been a vicious war between good and evil. Although evil has never over come the righteousness of good it seems as if on September 11, 2001 there was no love in our world. So much hate, so much anger it can’t possibly be real! It’s just one horrific dream that will be over once I wake up, but I am up and it’s not over. So, I sit and stare blankly. Am I ok? No. Will I move on? Yes. Will I be the same? No. But, will God protect me? Yes.